Monday, April 20, 2009

Egg, Nest, Trust

Our friends Nancy and Jenn hosted a beautiful solstice ritual in late March, focusing on birds as the central metaphor for spring. As part of the event, they walked around the circle with a stack of Bird Signs cards; we each drew one and then looked in the companion book to see what our specific card meant. I closed my eyes, let my fingers fall upon a card and pulled it from the deck; when I opened my eyes, I realized I had drawn three cards instead of one. I started to put two back, but Jenn smiled and said, "That means you're supposed to have all three."

It turned out the three cards I had chosen were Egg-Birth, Nest-Grounding, and Quail-Trust. Several people laughed and said "interesting", as if they knew something I didn't. Of course now I know I was pregnant at the time, but I had no clue then; it seemed somehow people were picking up on it, though. A couple of weeks later, when I told Nancy the news, she said she wasn't surprised, based on those cards.

I've been having some light spotting lately--nothing major, and according to everyone I've consulted, perfectly normal, but it's still very scary. I've been so focused on what the Egg-Birth card represents and am realizing now that I need to dig deeper into those other ideas that presented themselves to me. I need to find more grounding to help process the fears swirling around inside, and need to trust that my body knows what it's doing. That whatever happens--positive or negative--the nest of my body will support me through it, as will all the people who have already given so much support and love on this unexpected journey.

5 comments:

  1. Gayle--when I was pregnant with my daughter, I started spotting too. Since I had recently had a miscarriage before conceiving her, I called my doctor and they brought me right in for an ultrasound, which showed that she was fine. I don't know if you are amenable to that kind of technology, but it certainly helped me to relax and let go of the worry.

    I'm sending good thoughts to you!

    Pax,
    Doxy

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  2. Pretty cards!

    Trust is hard, sometimes (ok, maybe all the time ;D), but so worth it.

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  3. Thanks so much, Doxy and Alexis. :) I may actually have an ultrasound tomorrow (I never had one with my other kids; should be an interesting experience. I'll definitely keep you posted...)
    xoxo
    gayle

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  4. What a great story about the bird cards. I've got them in my Amazon shopping cart now.

    And spotting... yeah, I did that mainly with my fourth. Deep breaths girl. Sounds like you have returned to your deeper gut feelings with what you are comfortable with (got from newer post) and everything will be blooming. *goosebumps*.

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  5. Thanks, Amy--I know you'll love the cards. :) I'm trying to remember to breathe and stay in touch with this growing gut. The spotting appears to have stopped for now--yay! Hopefully it won't return...

    xoxo
    gayle

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